Random Thoughts

Five golden rules for finding your life partner!

This one was a wonderful mail sent to me by one of my friends, Seema. It
talks about what you really need to look at while searching for your
soul mate.

You CANNOT build a lifetime relationship on love alone. You need a lot
more. Here are 5 questions you must ask yourself if you're serious about
finding & keeping a life partner.


QUESTION #1:

Do we share a common life purpose? Why is this so important? Let me put
it this way: If you're married for 20 or 30 years, that's a long time to
live with someone. What do you plan to do with each other all that time?
Travel, eat & jog together? You need to share something deeper & more
meaningful. You need a common life purpose. Two things can happen in a
marriage. You can grow together, or you can grow apart. 50 percent of
the people out there are growing apart. To make a marriage work, you
need to know what you want out of life - bottom line - & marry someone
who wants the same thing.


QUESTION #2:

Do I feel safe expressing my feelings & thoughts with this person? This
question goes to the core of the quality of your relationship. Feeling
safe means you can communicate openly with this person. The basis of
having good communication is trust- i.e. trust that I won't get "punished"
or hurt for expressing my honest thoughts & feelings. A colleague of
mine defines an abusive person as someone with whom you feel afraid to
express your thoughts & feelings. Be honest with yourself on this one.
Make sure you feel emotionally safe with the person you plan to marry.


QUESTION #3:

Is he/she a mensch? A mensch is someone who is a refined & sensitive
person.How can you test? Here are some suggestions. Do they work on
personal growth on a regular basis? Are they serious about improving
themselves? A teacher of mine defines a good person as "someone who
is always striving to be good & do the right thing."So ask about your
significant other: What do they do with their time? Is this person
materialistic? Usually a materialistic person is not someone whose
top priority is character refinement.There are essentially two types
of people in the world: People who are dedicated to personal growth &
people who are dedicated to seeking comfort. Someone whose goal in life
is to be comfortable will put personal comfort ahead of doing the right
thing. You need to know that before walking down the aisle.


QUESTION #4:

How does he/she treat other people? The one most important thing that
makes any relationship work is the ability to give. By giving, we mean
the ability to give another person pleasure. Ask: Is this someone who
enjoys giving pleasure to others or are they wrapped up in themselves &
self-absorbed? To measure this, think about the following: How do they
treat people whom they do not have to be nice to, such as waiters, bus
boys, taxi drivers, etc. How do they treat parents & siblings? Do they
have gratitude & appreciation? If they don't have gratitude for the
people who have given them everything, you cannot expect that they'll
have gratitude for you-who can't do nearly as much for them! Do they
gossip & speak badly about others? Someone who gossips cannot be someone
who loves others. You can be sure that someone who treats others poorly,
will eventually treat you poorly as well.


QUESTION #5:

Is there anything I'm hoping to change about this person after we're
married? Too many people make the mistake of marrying someone with
the intention of trying to "improve" them after they're married. As a
colleague of mine puts it, "You can probably expect someone to change
after marriage .. for the worse!" If you cannot fully accept this person
the way they are now, then you are not ready to marry them. In conclusion,
dating doesn't have to be difficult & treacherous. The key is to try
leading a little more with your head & less with your heart. It pays
to be as objective as possible when you are dating, to be sure to ask
questions that will ! help you get to the key issues.

Labels: Matters of life

posted by Ranjit @ 2/21/2006 03:20:00 pm